I don't know what I'm going to do. Here are some of my options.

1) Just keep ignoring him because it's never going to go anywhere. And it hurts.
2) Lie and lie and lie and lie my arse off until he gets so sick of me anyway.
3) Be scarily honest and scare him off. But we all know where that's gotten me. Right here.
4) Bite my tongue and just try to take it because I don't care if it's complete crap as long as I get to talk to him.

I'm usually so so good at cutting people out because I have fantastic resolve and a mean streak of self-destructiveness. But then I want to cut them out because I just hate them so much and all.

But I don't think he's a bad person. I think he's a great person. It's me that fucked things up. And whatever it is, I just don't want to hurt him. And being honest will do that. The truth is entirely overrated. I'd rather hurt than to hurt him.

And I guess that's what makes it's hard because previously I've always wanted to hurt the other person. Even though I say I don't or didn't.

Why do things have to be so hard?

You get this tremble in your fingers lying there and it spreads through all of you and settles in your chest and you can't breathe - that's how it's like to miss someone. Not just words.

Turn me on me